These days - I am feeling something that I haven’t felt in a while.
Moments where my insides feel frozen in place; paralyzed; unable to move - my energy feels frozen in place.
It feels like I have been caught; captured; in trouble.
It feels like I flew out of the CAGE
And
I was flying freely; soaring even
And
Then, then I was caught; captured again
And
Returned to the cage.
And my body is in some state of shock from suddenly being immobilized again after spreading my winds so courageously … or with ‘megabravery’ as my friend calls it.
Petrified to be captured again;
Terrified of living caged again;
Exhausted at the mere idea of breaking out of that cage again;
But this time it feels a bit different - I would say that I am weary of fighting to protect myself
And
I am even more weary of losing the safety and stability that I have attained within my Life now.
And this time, it feels even more different because I feel my subconscious is telling me that these narratives no longer live there.
I wrote this earlier this month - and I wanted to share something that feels a vital pattern in my journey thus far - when it comes to growth and expansion.
When my Soul calls me to explore
A part of myself - that no longer belongs to me; that can no longer accompany me on my journey;
A part of myself that is ready to be let go of;
More often than not - that part of me surfaces within my experience becoming prominently magnified - and while I fully react to it as my body feels it so viscerally - the pattern is this - It surfaces; makes itself well-known … on its way out.
Thereafter - I feel a natural detachment from that former part of myself; no longer recognizing it as part of me; but seeing it as a thought pattern that I once intensely believed in and colored my experiences.
This pattern feels like an experience in and of itself designed for me by my Soul - to experience deeply and intimately - my growth and expansion.
I can’t tell you how much each and every experience means to me. It feels like God seeing me with the Utmost Clarity. And there are parts of myself that I know aren’t in alignment with the Way God sees and knows me - and I try my hardest to love those parts of myself; ease those parts of myself; guide it in inspired ways to its light and its clarity. But I still feel it you know - the attachment to those parts of myself.
But this pattern of mine - it is One that allows me to SEE myself with the Utmost Clarity. I love the entirety of the experience - feeling it day by day; moment by moment; when I can finally see the light; when I’m not holding on to the beliefs that make my heart and mind heavier. I love this pattern of mine - because I so quite literally experience the Reality and Realness of God.
It is kinda cool isn’t it - the Way and Ways this all works and how it all works out. There are limiting patterns and then there are Patterns that transform those limited patterns from the inside out to something that is more naturally in alignment with who you are. But the limiting pattern is less of an obstruction and more of an experience that allows you to more intimately and consciouly experience your connection to yourself. The impulse to break free of the limitation allows you to walk your own path of experiencing real time the breaking free and then … then something unfolding with you that you’ve never felt - old mirrors shattered … new reflections forming.
And maybe, perhaps, You will catch a glimpse of the Divine smiling at You - because You’ve allowed yourself to see that which you are. In the Chaos and Noise of the World somtimes - while you can be busy cleaning off blemishes and dust and dirt off of those old mirrors - the Divine is Beckoning You. The Divine is Beckoning You to pay more attention to those New Reflections - to get lost in exploring the grandness of those reflections of yourself and the minute details. And ultimately You will begin to feel the ground beneath you feel less shaky and less collapsable and more sturdy. Yes, strengthen the Foundation of Your True Self by paying attention to these True and Absolute Reflections of who you are.
Enjoy the Noise and Chaos of the World - but know yourself beyond it so that you may be yourself freely in it.
Experienced by - Chelsea Avasa Khan
