I feel ready to write the narrative for ‘Beautiful Chaos’. But I also feel a need to share what it is like to ‘create’ in these moments. It is more than checking off a task on a to-do list. In fact it is nothing like that. 

I painted ‘Beautiful Chaos’ weeks ago and this week - I felt the ‘inspiration’ begin to flow to create this page for my painting. And yet it is more than ‘inspiration’. 

The readiness is more than being ready to write these words - it is being primed, prepped and ready to experience new layers of myself. 

I’m sitting here ready to have this experience - but this was borne of intimate experiences within myself; within my life. Beautiful Chaos in my life has felt like Confusion. It has felt like Confusion desperately trying to escape itself. 

Confusion trying to find a way out of itself - countless tears; endless thoughts - because confusion is always trying to figure itself out. 

Confusion becoming a part of identity - as I woke up everyday and my body just knew that I would be trying to get myself through the maze. 

But in the midst of the Confusion - it felt like I was coming completely undone within myself and in the World around me. 

I was coming completely undone in the World around me. It’s like there were all these pillars I held up around myself and they were all falling to the grounds of the World around me. 

Perhaps, I have let myself come undone entirely in the bosom of my Soul; of my Source. But it is another thing to have YourSelf be witnessed by the World around You. 

Beautiful Chaos for me is An Exhale. It is a Creation signalling that I am Living in the Exhale of my Life - that I am not holding myself within my grasp anymore - but that I am coming completely undone in the World around me. 

Beautiful Chaos for is my Intimate Declaration that I know who I am - deeply and intimately and absolutely and Life will not persuade me to organize my chaos into something stringent and uniform and stifling to make itself feel comfortable. 

Beautiful Chaos for me is an Intimate Creation of the Source of my Existence - that the World will not mould my Chaos into something that it is not; that the World would not seek to interfere with Perfection because it has never witnessed it prior and assumes it to be something to be fixed. And if the World does decide to put its Hands where it does not belong -  which it often does - it will find itself either terrified, bewildered, or reawakened into its truth when my Chaos grabs hold of it. 

Beautiful Chaos for me is an Expression of Life; of the Heart of the Divine coming Alive onto my Canvas - an expression that I realize is at the Core of all my paintings. An expression that I get to witness and feel so quietly and intimately. It is this palpable innate joy of the Divine experiencing itself. 

It is the palpable innate joy of the Divine experiencing ItSelf - the experience of embracing itself - the raw sensations of experiencing itself; the experience of being held and supported by ItSelf - to feel the Hands of the Divine holding You. To feel the Hands of the Divine holding You - in your everyday life - not in an intense, overbearing way - but in a light, consistent way - that lives like a quiet flame in your heart. 

It is a Way of Experiencing the Divine in a light and gentle and relatable way - the Divine enjoying who you are - playing with you; dancing with you; laughing with you throughout your day; throughout your life. 

It is Way of Experiencing the Divine in a Way that is easily within reach; not out of bounds; not hard to maintain. It is just a part of who you are and a part of your life - but the integral part - that brings to life the colors of who you are into the world around you. 

I guess Beautiful Chaos for me is discovering and cultivating that Lightness of the Divine within yourself - so that Lightness becomes a staple of who you are in your life. Someone that can be engaged in the rollercoaster of life; its ups and downs and in betweens - with that Light … that Lightness quietly beaming within Your Heart. 

But there is something about Beautiful Chaos that feels different from my other paintings. My other paintings have had a sense of completion about them - an ending of some sort - and ready to move on to the next. 

But there is something about Beautiful Chaos that feels like it’s in motion; it’s constantly moving. And that’s Life right - always on the go. But there is something about this motion that feels at ease with itself - that all the layers have some sense of clarity about themselves and with each other. 

I guess it feels somewhat like the Eternal Nature of the Divine - again, not in a way that feels out of reach; out of bounds - but in a Way that just feels like Life at ease; at peace; with ItSelf; quietly reveling in itself.